I am trying out Bikram yoga for the first time tonight. There is a class on just down the road from my work so I thought I’d be good and actually do some exercise for once. Despite having attended a great deal of yoga classes in my past, I’m feeling a bit of trepidation about this one, because in Bikram yoga they heat up the room to 38oC. A friend who is a very experienced yoga practitioner and teacher told me she spent most of her first Bikram class lying down in recovery pose.
But I’m encouraged to go for a few reasons:
1) I have a massive pimple on my chin that could do with a good steaming
2) It’s been chilly in Tassie this week and 38 oC sounds like a pretty nice temperature to me.
3) I’ve been doing office work so long I think I can actually feel myself getting fatter. I need to move this body ASAP.
4) I’ve been feeling really down lately – lost – after too many years of what seems like completely meaningless office work. I need to get back to the things I love, one of which used to be yoga.
The thing is, I’m coming up to the end of my probation period at work. It’s the supposedly happy time where the paperwork gets signed off and I become a bona fide permanent employee. This is significant because when I am a permanent employee I can apply for the loan to build my house. For this reason, as well as the need to make a living, I have hung in there for nearly a year, forcing myself day after day after day to do work which in all honesty I just don’t find very interesting.
This is no one’s fault. My boss is lovely and I am lucky to have her. My workmates are nice, the office is peaceful, and I get to decide how I manage and carry out my workload. There’s free parking, and I get to use the shower (a massive bonus when you don’t have a bathroom of your own).
And yet…and yet….administration work will never, ever satisfy me creatively, or even intellectually. It’s galling being the lowest paid s***kicker in the office, the one who refills the photocopying paper, orders the stationery, does everyone’s filing, and answers all the phones. It’s especially galling when, as someone who has a degree in Communication and a postgraduate qualification in Education, I would have to be one of the most highly educated people here. The world travel I’ve done, the theatre productions I’ve been in, the High Distinction average I got at Uni – in my job none of these things count. Here I am just a secretary, and in the eyes of those who hire me, I suspect that’s all I’ll ever be.
So there’s a question hanging over me, Dear Reader. Do I hang in there for yet one more year, to manifest the house of my imaginings into reality? Or do I give up the good fight, walk away gracefully, and get my blessed life back?