I’m not quite sure how it happened. And I feel more than a little embarrassed talking about it. But since this is the week of the confessional blog post, I might as well admit it here. I seem to have… Um, what I mean is…. What I’m TRYING to say is….. Well, I seem to have gotten rather fat of late.
No, calm down, not THAT fat. Not crane-me-out-of-a-building fat, not even plus-size-clothing fat. Yet. But I think somewhere over the last couple of months I seem to have crossed the line between being a slimmish person who had recently started carrying around a few extra kilos, to just being someone who carries around a few extra kilos. I know, I know. The difference is so nuanced as to be non-existent, right? But there is a difference. In the first version I felt like I could always go back to being slim. Slim and healthy didn’t seem all that far away. But right now, I’m feeling like the weight (literally) of years of sedentary office work is catching up with me. And the short winter days, with little to do except go home, eat dinner, and veg out, aren’t helping either.
It wasn’t always this way. Whilst I’ve never been fit in the running marathons sense, for most of my life I’ve kept up a reasonable level of activity. Throughout most of my twenties I attended regular yoga classes, went dancing with my friends, and ventured on huge rambling walks by the beach or river. I did laps at the local pool and walked or rode my bike everywhere. I also wasn’t silly or desperate enough for money to take a job that involved being deskbound five days a week.
But times change, we get older, we acquire mortgages, and all of a sudden we realise that the cellulite on our thighs is very likely planning to take up permanent residence there. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. Either I give up and accept this new level of fatness and unfitness as my baseline, or I find a way, despite all obstacles, to bring exercise and healthy eating habits back into my life.
I’m writing it in here so it’s in the public domain, and so I feel compelled to hold myself that bit more accountable for the way I’ve been treating this body of mine. Bodies are incredible things. In fact, just thinking about all the things a human body is capable of doing and experiencing can cause your brain to seize up. Any body that is whole, healthy, and works is a blessing that cannot be demanded, and if we are fortunate enough to receive this gift we are lucky indeed. Just ask a quadriplegic, or someone with cancer. And it is because of this that I want to start honouring my body better. I’m going to start by finding some exercise that I like. And then I’m going to work on my diet. I may even go crazy and weigh myself, just so I’ve got a starting point. Body, I’m so sorry. I’ve been treating you badly and it’s time to make things right. You deserve better.