Throughout my adult life, I’ve had dreams, or nightmares I should say, where there is a sharp, jagged object embedded deep in my flesh. The type of object and the location of the injury vary: sometimes it’s a fish-hook into my gums and teeth; most of the time it’s a big piece of jagged glass in the sole of my foot. In the dream it always presents the same dilemma – I can’t function properly with this painful thing inside me, but I’m scared to take it out because it’s buried so deep I know the removal will really, really hurt.
Right now I am carrying my previous relationship inside me, and the knowledge pains me every time my thoughts press upon it. I’ve loved this man so, so much. He has been my best friend, my support, my constant companion, for the last two years. I can’t separate him from the memories of my life here in Tasmania – I’ve known him since before I bought the block, and I wouldn’t be over here now without his help and support.
But, Dear Reader, it has come to the time when this relationship, which once gave me such joy and conviction that this was ‘the one’, needs to end. Not because I no longer love, like or want this man: I do more than is good for me. It’s just the pain of holding onto the relationship is becoming greater than the pain without, and quite simply I need to let go now.
In my dreams I never pull the jagged object out. I’m too afraid of the agony it will cause, the ripping of flesh, the blood, the gaping wound it will leave. This time, here in waking reality, I need to do differently. Though this man, and my love for him, seem to be twined through my mind, body and spirit, it’s time to pull him out and be free.
Here’s to the power of healing, I’m sure gonna need it.